The scenario below is fictional — it illustrates common conversation patterns and isn't a record of a real session. The conversations I have with clients stay confidential.
Situation: Sarah, a senior analyst, has been offered a promotion to lead a 4-person team. She has two weeks to decide.
Version 1 — the conversation that sounds helpful
Coach
Hi Sarah, I heard you got offered a promotion to team lead — congratulations! What's going on that made you want to talk about it?
Sarah
Thanks... honestly, I don't know. I have two weeks to decide, and I guess I should be happy, but I feel this strange unease.
Coach
That's very natural with a change like this. Tell me — could it be fear of managing people?
Sarah
Maybe a little. I've never managed anyone.
Coach
That's very common. You have great results, people respect you — that sounds a bit like impostor syndrome. Where does this feeling that you might not manage come from?
Sarah
I don't know... I guess I'm afraid I'll be bad at something new, since I'm good at what I do now.
Coach
I understand, but think about it — this is a huge growth opportunity, not many people get an offer like this. Don't you think it's worth trying, even if it's hard at first?
Sarah
I think so too... I guess.
Coach
Every leader was scared at first. You'll learn too — it's important not to close the door on your own growth out of fear.
Sarah
You're right. I think I'll say yes. Although... [trails off] ...never mind.
Coach
See — you can feel yourself that it's the right direction. Trust yourself.
Version 2 — the conversation that moves things forward
Coach
Hi Sarah. Tell me what's going on.
Sarah
I've been offered a promotion to team lead. I have two weeks to decide. I guess I should be happy, but I feel a strange unease.
Coach
I'd pause on the word "should." Should you be happy, or do you want to be happy?
Sarah
[pause] ...I don't know. I don't think anyone's asked me that directly. Everyone says "it's a great opportunity."
Coach
And you — how do you see it?
Sarah
I'm afraid that once I start managing the team, I'll lose what I'm best at now — the analysis work. That's what I'm good at. I don't know if I'll be good at managing people.
Coach
Okay. Let's separate two things for a moment: what you actually know about this offer, and what you're assuming will be true.
Sarah
I know I have two weeks, I know who'd be on the team, I know the salary range.
Coach
And what are you assuming?
Sarah
That... that if I say no, no one will ever offer me this again. That it's now or never. And that if I say yes, I'll never do hands-on analysis again.
Coach
How do you know that?
Sarah
[pause] ...I don't. No one told me that. I'm just assuming.
Coach
What would have to be different about this role for you to look at it with more curiosity than fear?
Sarah
I think I wouldn't want to lose the analysis work completely. And I'd need some kind of gentler entry into managing... maybe a transition period.
Coach
Which of those things can you actually check before making a decision?
Sarah
[pause] ...None of them, I guess. I never asked — I assumed it was a take-it-or-leave-it offer, exactly as it was proposed.
Coach
So is "should I take the promotion" even the right question at this point?
Sarah
[longer silence] ...I don't think so. I still don't know if I want to do it in the shape they proposed. But I haven't checked whether that's the only possible shape.
Coach
So what's your actual question right now?
Sarah
I guess... on what conditions I'd be willing to accept it.
Coach
That's a question you can actually start looking for an answer to.
Why the second conversation moves things forward
In the first conversation, each question sounded reasonable on its own. The problem is that the coach was setting the direction — first assuming it was fear of managing people, then labeling it "impostor syndrome," and finally offering a ready-made frame ("every leader was scared"). Sarah didn't discover anything — she was handed someone else's interpretation and agreed to it, because it sounded reasonable and the conversation's momentum pushed her that way. When she tried to say more herself ("although...") — the conversation had already moved on, with no room for that sentence.
In the second conversation, the coach didn't make a single diagnosis. He paused at a word Sarah herself used ("should") and asked what was behind it. Later, he helped her separate facts from assumptions — not by saying which were true, but by asking where Sarah got them from. The question "how do you know that?" is the turning point: it turns out Sarah's strongest beliefs ("now or never," "I'll never do analysis again") aren't facts, just unchecked assumptions. Once that's visible, the question "should I take the promotion" loses its meaning on its own — and Sarah, not the coach, formulates what she actually wants to know.
What she came in with
The question "should I take the promotion," and two weeks to answer yes or no.
What she couldn't see
That she was treating the offer as fixed, even though she'd never checked whether it could be shaped differently — and that part of her unease came from unchecked assumptions, not facts.
What she discovered
That the question "should I accept" was framed wrong — it assumed a choice between two options, neither of which she'd actually defined for herself.
What she knows now
That her real question is: on what conditions would she be willing to take this role. She still doesn't know whether the company will agree to those conditions — that requires a conversation with her manager, not with a coach.
Her first step
Set up a conversation with her manager and ask directly about specific conditions — like partially keeping the analysis work, or a trial period — instead of giving a yes/no answer right now.
The coach didn't solve Sarah's problem, or tell her what she should do. Sarah noticed on her own that she'd been trying to answer a question that wasn't taking her anywhere. The coach's role was to create the conditions in which she could see her situation differently and formulate the right question herself.
← See more examples in Coaching in Practice
