The anatomy of a good question
The difference between a conversation that sounds helpful and one that actually moves things forward is rarely obvious at first glance. Both kinds of questions can sound empathetic. What sets them apart is what they do with the client's answer.
Assumes the answer before hearing it.
"Could this be fear of managing people?"
Invites the story, without assuming a direction.
"Tell me what's going on."
Slaps on a ready-made label instead of asking more.
"That sounds like impostor syndrome."
Comes back to what the client just said.
"I'd pause on the word 'should.'"
Sounds like a question, is really a nudge.
"Don't you think it's worth trying?"
Asks what's known for certain, and what's a guess.
"How do you know that?"
Closes the topic with one ready-made frame.
"Every leader was scared at first."
Checks whether what feels certain is actually true.
"What would happen if you asked?"
The left column doesn't sound bad on its own — the problem is that each of these questions closes the conversation down in practice, instead of opening it up. The right column leaves more room for the client to arrive at something they hadn't seen before.
Examples
The same situation, the same client — handled twice. A conversation that sounds helpful, and one that actually leads to a different question.
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The same situation, the same client — handled twice. The difference between quick advice-giving and a conversation that gets to what actually blocks her from saying no.
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A different format — not one conversation, but a process across several sessions. College or work, friends on TikTok, moving out, a relationship — without choosing for the client.
See the example →More stories will show coaching in other professional and personal situations.